The other day I was just thinking back to when Colton was a new born. I was so scared the first few days to hold him because he was so small, delicate and fragile. He had the most precious tiny hands and feet. He needed me, he relied on me, and he couldn't live without me. He was such a sweet and content baby just as long as his belly was full but so dependent on me every hour of every day. On the journey that I am facing right now I feel so delicate and fragile. I feel like my heart is breaking a million times every single day for any different reason. My heart just hurts right now with the pain of a failed marriage. While out and about, I have run into different friends and family and just lose it upon seeing them. All I can do it just try and let them know I am doing okay and give them a hug. It seems I am on the verge of tears at all times. During this time I am so dependent on God to get me through each day. I can't survive a day without spending time in his Word and praying to him again and again. In this vulnerable position I have to cling to him desperately and stay close to him at all times of the day. This is a scary place to be in but God is near to the brokenhearted. This is the kind of relationship he desires to have with all of us whom he has chosen!Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Fragile
The other day I was just thinking back to when Colton was a new born. I was so scared the first few days to hold him because he was so small, delicate and fragile. He had the most precious tiny hands and feet. He needed me, he relied on me, and he couldn't live without me. He was such a sweet and content baby just as long as his belly was full but so dependent on me every hour of every day. On the journey that I am facing right now I feel so delicate and fragile. I feel like my heart is breaking a million times every single day for any different reason. My heart just hurts right now with the pain of a failed marriage. While out and about, I have run into different friends and family and just lose it upon seeing them. All I can do it just try and let them know I am doing okay and give them a hug. It seems I am on the verge of tears at all times. During this time I am so dependent on God to get me through each day. I can't survive a day without spending time in his Word and praying to him again and again. In this vulnerable position I have to cling to him desperately and stay close to him at all times of the day. This is a scary place to be in but God is near to the brokenhearted. This is the kind of relationship he desires to have with all of us whom he has chosen!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Psalm 55
Psalm 55
1 Listen to my prayer, O God.Do not ignore my cry for help! 2 Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles. 3 My enemies shout at me, making loud and wicked threats. They bring trouble on me and angrily hunt me down. 4 My heart pounds in my chest. The terror of death assaults me. 5 Fear and trembling overwhelm me, and I can’t stop shaking. 6 Oh, that I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest! 7 I would fly far away to the quiet of the wilderness. 8 How quickly I would escape—far from this wild storm of hatred. 9 Confuse them, Lord, and frustrate their plans, for I see violence and conflict in the city. 10 Its walls are patrolled day and night against invaders, but the real danger is wickedness within the city. 11 Everything is falling apart;threats and cheating are rampant in the streets. 12 It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me— I could have hidden from them. 13 Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend. 14 What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God. 15 Let death stalk my enemies; let the grave swallow them alive, for evil makes its home within them.
16 But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. 17 Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice. 18 He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, though many still oppose me. 19 God, who has ruled forever, will hear me and humble them.For my enemies refuse to change their ways; they do not fear God. 20 As for my companion, he betrayed his friends; he broke his promises. 21 His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers!
22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. 23 But you, O God, will send the wicked down to the pit of destruction. Murderers and liars will die young, but I am trusting you to save me.
God gave me this Psalm and it has given me so much hope in times of distress and fear. I praise God that he will bring truth and justice forward and that I don't need to worry about it. I believe in God's faithfulness and mercy now more than ever before!
1 Listen to my prayer, O God.Do not ignore my cry for help! 2 Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles. 3 My enemies shout at me, making loud and wicked threats. They bring trouble on me and angrily hunt me down. 4 My heart pounds in my chest. The terror of death assaults me. 5 Fear and trembling overwhelm me, and I can’t stop shaking. 6 Oh, that I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest! 7 I would fly far away to the quiet of the wilderness. 8 How quickly I would escape—far from this wild storm of hatred. 9 Confuse them, Lord, and frustrate their plans, for I see violence and conflict in the city. 10 Its walls are patrolled day and night against invaders, but the real danger is wickedness within the city. 11 Everything is falling apart;threats and cheating are rampant in the streets. 12 It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me— I could have hidden from them. 13 Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend. 14 What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God. 15 Let death stalk my enemies; let the grave swallow them alive, for evil makes its home within them.
16 But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. 17 Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice. 18 He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, though many still oppose me. 19 God, who has ruled forever, will hear me and humble them.For my enemies refuse to change their ways; they do not fear God. 20 As for my companion, he betrayed his friends; he broke his promises. 21 His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers!
22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. 23 But you, O God, will send the wicked down to the pit of destruction. Murderers and liars will die young, but I am trusting you to save me.
God gave me this Psalm and it has given me so much hope in times of distress and fear. I praise God that he will bring truth and justice forward and that I don't need to worry about it. I believe in God's faithfulness and mercy now more than ever before!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Baby Steps
Colton is walking now. It is such a blessing to having him walking around our house now. Seeing him take his first steps was such a miracle. It still amazes me how fast he is growing, its seems like just yesterday I was going to the hospital to get induced because I was 10 days overdue. Just like Colton is taking his first baby steps of life I am also taking baby steps towards a new life for him and I. It's such a hard and difficult road to travel and at times I already want to give up. But God is good and will be faithful even when the journey is excruciatingly painful.
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