Moving Day

The move is fast approaching. We have to be out of the house by December 15 and that date is coming way to quickly. Right now the only thing I have packed so far is this little guy! Colton has loved playing in the boxes. He will stack them up and then knock them down then stand on top. He is so active and loves being right in the middle of all the action. For some reason moving is just like pulling teeth for me. It seems like the stuff I have in my house in never ending and I can't ever possibly pack it all into one truck and store it in one place. My days are so busy with school and Colton. Waking up at 6:45am then finally sitting down by 8pm, the idea of starting to tackle this big task seems impossible! Thankfully I am blessed with a friend who has a gift for packing and really wants to help me. This is a true gift indeed!! Please pray for Colton and I right now that this transition can go smoothly and without too many tears! Pray that I can change my attitude too! :)

Big Changes

Changes and a fresh start are on the horizon for Colton and I. Moving, school, and a surgery will be just a couple of the things we have going in our lives soon! It's been a crazy roller coaster of a ride filled with too many ups and downs to count and it still isn't over yet! It's been very humbling to me because I have had to rely on family to financially support me now for the past month. I also have around $5,000 dollars in bills to pay and I have no money. I know that Colton and I will be taken care of and that God will provide for us. God has been faithful and merciful to us during this difficult transition in our lives. I am getting to the point where I am just so ready for a fresh start and so excited to see what God has in store. It's painful and extremely scary at times but I can't wait to see how he can use some of the painful events and tradegy in my life for his purpose!! There have been so many bible verses that have gotten me through this and I wanted to share a couple of them with you:

Lamentations 3: 31-33
31 For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. 32 Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. 33 For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.

Psalm 121: 3-8
3 He will not let you stumble;the one who watches over you will not slumber. 4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. 5 The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. 6 The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. 7 The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. 8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,both now and forever.

Proverbs 16:9
9 We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.

2 Timothy 1:12
12That's why I am suffering now. But I am not ashamed! I know the one I have faith in, and I am sure that he can guard until the last day what he has trusted me with.

These are just a few that have helped me through! My freedom has been found in Christ!

Playdate

The most adorable bunny in the whole world!

Miriam and Stella feeding the goats

Colton petting the baby lamb

Brock and Michelle with the sheep

Michelle and Brock invited Colton and I to go to the Critter Barn in Holland, Mi to show the boys the animals. Brock and Colton loved it there. Colton was a little timid of all the animals and wanted to be held but he enjoyed every second of it. Miriam and Stella also joined us there as well as Julie and Sudney a little bit later. It was so cool because we had a tour guide who was 11 years old but she was really knowledgeable about all the animals and told us fun facts about each animal we visited. These days are just such a blessing to us. It means the world to both of us to get out of the house and enojoy God's creation in such a up close and personal way. We are so blessed with wonderful friends that care some much about us. It's wonderful to have friends that will go on this journey with us and will encourage and strengthen us when the times are difficult. Thanks guys!! I love you!

Race

This past Saturday I ran in the Reeds Lake 10K Race in East Grand Rapids. It was an interesting experience because this was only my second race that I had ever run in. So I didn't know exactly what I was getting myself into. Last time I ran a 5K was in Grand Haven and I was around 5 weeks pregnant and at the time I didn't know I was expecting. The whole race I couldn't breath well and I thought I was coming down with asthma. Needless to say I figured out a week later that I was pregnant with Colton. I ran in the race with my girlfriend Julie and her dad Jeff. I was supposed to run in the race with my girlfriend Jill but she came down with mono and the doctors wouldn't let her run. I was really nervous going into it because I had only run around 4 miles and never made it to the 6.3 miles. Jeff, Julie, and I ran the first couple of miles together then I started to feel like I was dying so I had to slow down a bit. My goal was to finish the race in under an hour and my time was 59:30! I ran this race for my son. I just wanted him to know that he can do anything he puts his mind to and that the world is his oyster! He was visiting with his dad that weekend so he couldn't be with me which was really sad but he was with me in spirit. While training I would bring him with me in the roller jogger and so I was thinking about running it with him but it didn't work out that way. Colton I love you so much and want you to know that with God anything is possible!

Abuse

Abuse is running rampant in our society today. You wouldn't think that here in America, the land of the free, it would never be tolerated but sadly it is. There is such a lack of education and awareness about this topic. If you really open your eyes to it you will see it everywhere. It is happening in the school, workplace, home, and church. I can give many examples of girlfriends of mine who have been sexually harassed at work. This is abuse. Abuse is a choice. It's a cycle of power and control that one person wants to exhibit over another either physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, financially, or spiritually. One in four women will be abused in their lifetime. There is a huge spectrum that abuse can fall into all the way from murder/rape/assault to just verbal abuse. There can be so much shame, guilt, and trauma attached to what happened that sadly it's usually hidden. I know many women who were in abusive marriages. They experienced the most horrific treatment sometimes daily and never felt safe in their own homes. I know women who were married to doctors, judges, military men, tattoo artist and all were disrespected and degraded for 20 to 30 years by the one person they thought they could trust most, their husbands. In a lot of these cases it took the women this long to even figured out what was happening and that they did not deserve to be treated that way. All they wanted was to be good Christian submissive wives and keep their family intact. God has seen all of this and knows what happened. That is all that matters! God will work in all of these situations in his timing and for his purpose alone. Praise the Lord that He is a God of justice but also of grace and mercy.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

FEAR

So I'm really nervous to share this blog with others for various reasons. The biggest reason is I know writting various posts about my life will anger certain people. They do not want me to be open or public about my feelings and experiences which is exactly what a blog is. But there is no fear in love so I am doing this so that God may be glorified through my testimony.

Soon, I will make this public so that anyone can read what I am writting and I am praying God's protection and strenght when I do it. The truth will be known and God will take care of the rest. What happends in the darkness will be exposed to the light. God is faithful and just to those who serve him with all their hearts.

Fragile

The other day I was just thinking back to when Colton was a new born. I was so scared the first few days to hold him because he was so small, delicate and fragile. He had the most precious tiny hands and feet. He needed me, he relied on me, and he couldn't live without me. He was such a sweet and content baby just as long as his belly was full but so dependent on me every hour of every day. On the journey that I am facing right now I feel so delicate and fragile. I feel like my heart is breaking a million times every single day for any different reason. My heart just hurts right now with the pain of a failed marriage. While out and about, I have run into different friends and family and just lose it upon seeing them. All I can do it just try and let them know I am doing okay and give them a hug. It seems I am on the verge of tears at all times. During this time I am so dependent on God to get me through each day. I can't survive a day without spending time in his Word and praying to him again and again. In this vulnerable position I have to cling to him desperately and stay close to him at all times of the day. This is a scary place to be in but God is near to the brokenhearted. This is the kind of relationship he desires to have with all of us whom he has chosen!